One evening, Lilly Brown called a few of her friends to simply wish them good night, and what happened next surprised her.
Each friend welcomes the late-night call from the Los Angeles-based TV editor. In the TikTok video documenting this call, you can hear the smiles in their voices. “You have no idea how much that means to me,” one friend named Tippy replied after Brown’s call. “Will you call me every night to tell me ‘good night?’”
“I didn’t expect it to be so sweet. They were so happy and just touched by me calling and wishing them a good night,” Brown told HuffPost about her friends’ reactions. “It’s not really a thing that adults do, but I think after experiencing the call, I think it is a thing that adults should do, or that they need.“
The reactions from Brown’s friends were unplanned, but Brown was participating in an ongoing, popular TikTok trend where you call your homies to wish them good night and to sleep tight, sparking amusing reactions from confused, concerned bros to sincerely sweet reactions from pals who genuinely appear thrilled to hear from their friends, however randomly.
Wishing someone good night is “very familial,” Brown said, which is why it might spark these surprisingly heartwarming reactions. “You don’t really say ‘good night,’ except for your immediate family or people who you’re living with … But [this TikTok trend] gives you a reason to do that.“
Are surprise “good night” calls to our friends the secret to deepening friendships? This TikTok trend might be onto something, friendship experts said.
Why An Unannounced Call To Your Friend Might Be More Welcome Than You Think
“We live in a world where so many of us have the core wound of not being seen or fully understood,” said Hope Kelaher, a licensed clinical social worker and the author of “Here to Make Friends.” “When somebody takes a minute to think of us late at night when things are winding down, I think it actually is very significant.“
And vulnerable, too. Many of the men who participate in the trend nervously laugh and squirm when they wish their fellow bros sweet dreams. But though they may be doing this for laughs, they are creating unexpected connections that are necessary for deepening friendships.
Part of the humor of the TikTok trend is adults telling each other “Let me tuck you in. Have a good night,” Kelaher said, but it’s also “such a nice way of letting somebody know that you’re thinking about them.“
If you’re feeling inspired but hesitant about calling your friends at night, you’re not alone, though.
When I decided to try this “good night” trend myself, I felt weirdly shy. I do cold calls for a living and I still fretted about bothering my friends’ evenings. Even though we have known each other for years, we don’t normally spontaneously call each other.
But maybe we shouldn’t worry so much. The research finds our friends enjoy hearing from us more than we might think. A 2022 study found that people underestimated how much friends appreciated their casual check-ins ― especially if it was from someone they hadn’t heard from in a while.
Part of what was so pleasurable about those private reach-outs was the surprise element.
“This heightened focus on surprise, in turn, contributes to higher appreciation” from recipients, Lauren Min, a co-author of that study and an assistant professor of marketing at the University of Kansas School of Business told HuffPost.
“Our research would suggest that if the ‘good night’ call comes as a positive surprise, it will be appreciated by the recipients, and more so than the callers would predict,” Min said about the TikTok trend.
Feeling encouraged by the science, I decided to try the spontaneous call ― with mixed results. My first hurdle was even making contact with my busy friends.
My call to a friend in New Jersey went straight to voicemail as she was napping, but we ended up catching up for a half-hour when she woke up and called me back. In my second attempt, my friend in Florida immediately answered, concerned that something bad had happened to me. She was about to watch the latest “Final Destination” film in theaters, but she still picked up, and I found myself laughing and touched by her bemused worry, resolved to do this more often so it wasn’t such a surprise to hear from me.
As for Brown, she is calling her friends more often now in the evenings, just to wish them good night. The night after she filmed the TikTok, she called her friends again “to do it for real” and to show the call “really did come from the heart, even though it was inspired by a TikTok trend.”
“Call your friends and tell them ‘good night,’” Brown advises. “You might be really shocked to see what their reactions are… just letting people know that you’re thinking of them is always nice.”
